Challenges Children Face in Divorced Families Essay

The remnant of a p arnt is less(prenominal) scourge to a claw than a disunite. (Billota, 2012) There are long term and short effects that children facial expression during and post divorce. There are six stations in which most galluss reckon art object going through these trials. About fifty percent of married couples entrust get a break before the children are of the age of 18. (Scott, 2010) Since divorce is so complex I will discuss roughly guidelines on how to shut up the pain on children growing up or going through a household in which parents are getting a divorce.The death of a parent is less devastating to a child than a divorce. (Billota, 2012) After carefully analyzing this statistic I stand articulate that I mate with the statistical fact. Speaking from soulal experience, I feel like I am a creditable source and can relate to this topic of Challenges Children Faced in disseverd Families. A nonher statistic is that half of American children, under the age of eighteen will witness the actual break of their parents and half of those children will in like manner witness the failure of the second trade union. The percentage of children creation raised without their fathers in America is an astonishing forty percent.Children who experienced a divorce are more like to be at a high risk for illness or injury such as asthma, headaches, and speech defects. (Billota, 2012) These are just a few of the statistical facts that children of divorce face. My name is Mayra and I am a statistic. I come from a divorced family I witnessed the breakup of my parents and twain of their second marriages. I am a divorcee, my son is a recipient of speech therapy and I was raised without a father. Divorce is a death of a freight and a promise, hardly unlike a death of a parent, it isnt someone we mourn and thus s minusculely move forward from, it is a death that we strike to deal with on a daylight to day basis. This is why the death of a parent is le ss devastating to a child than of a divorce. (Billota, 2012)I, Mayra, take thee, Erick, to be my lawful wedded husband. To have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse in sickness and in wellness to have it away, to honor, obey, and cherish from this day forward till death do us part. These are common broken vows. Why do hoi polloi marry? accord to our text, people marry for love and commitment as well to avoid the inevitable feeling of loneliness. (Scott, 2010) A steady companionship is ideal in family and although that isnt the sole reason for marriage, it is one of the major(ip) reason people pursue marriage. Other reasons people get married besides personal fulfillment, can be for financial reasons, wealth, power and reproductive reasons. (Scott, 2010) In a perfect world everyone would live a fairytale marriage and live a happily ever after.In todays society divorce is what happens when couples dont work out. Some might refer to it as a make out do to the simple fact that in the most recent years the numbers of divorce evaluate have increased to a little more than 1 million a year. (Scott, 2010) Factors that affect marital stability are, but not refined just to, age of first marriage, education of individuals, income, religion, parental divorce, cohabitation, and bearing of children. (Scott, 2010) There are different sets in the process of divorce. Starting from when the conflict between the married couple begins and last a period of time to the initiation of legal paperwork to the spouses adaption to the dissolution of the troubled marriage. (Scott, 2010)As mentioned above some factors that affect marital stability include the presence of children. Marriages can last longer if children are indeed present do to the fact that parents dont want their children to grow up in a broken home it can be imposed values or the sense of guilt. In cases when the marriage cannot be salvaged and there are children involved in the dissolution it is best that the parents take time to careful initiate the process while providing stability and structure. (Scott, 2010 Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012)The six stations that married couples face as they divorce are mad, legal economic, coparental, union and psychic divorce. During the emotional station, either one or both partners begin to question their marriage based on the viability or quality. One or both partners whitethorn withdraw emotionally, withhold feelings and whitethorn withhold affection. Intentionally hurting one another(prenominal) may authorise because of the frustration, anger or resentment that they might feel towards each other or one another. dissolution during this stage is common and it is common to do so after an argument or fight. (Scott, 2010) It is crucial that from this stage parents recognize that in order to avoid their children from feeling the distort and the pain of a divorce, that they provide structure, love and reassurance to the children.One thing to remember is not to belittle one another or argue in front of the children. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012) During my emotional station, we both detached from one another and intentionally hurt one another by verbally insulting each other. An argument that occurred while placing an order at a eatery was all it took to know that the person that I married knew nothing about me after 6 years of marriage. I took into account that I had a son and I didnt want him to grow up without both parents, but I figured it wasnt a healthy marriage and I couldnt hide my pain, it showed and affected my relationship with my son. I left within a couple of days of that argument. back up station The legal divorce officially ends the matrimony and gives both parties the right to remarry or let on other people as they please. This is a deliberating period of time and unremarkably takes months before its finalized. Divorce can be expensive and result in either spousal support, alimony, and or child support, which leads us to our third station economic divorce. Economic divorce involves the economical settlements of tangible items that may have been accumulated during the marriage. It includes homes, cars, bank accounts, investments and any future earnings. This station is not applicable to every marriage being that not every marriage last as long and may or may have not accrued much. Stations two and three may also affect the challenges the children face during these periods. Children may face the challenge of not seeing either parent for long periods of time and have to incorporate a new schedule and routine. It is common for a father to become less involved with their children during this period because of their perceptions of practical sources of support.Fathers may feel that by providing child support they no longer have resume their ties to fatherlike duties. During the economic station, children may also face economical changes. It is common for the mother to have cus tody and usually in household incomes the father has a high income. If they live with the mother the child may not live the life as if both parents combined their income causing stress and emotional pain to a child. (Scott, 2010) Being involved with the children after divorce is a great way to reas authoritative them that they have both parents regardless of the separation.And even through the economical changes, providing the children with a safe secure home, establishing a routine, and providing structure will ease the challenges the children face. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012) Children react to divorce by having feeling of denial, anger, sadness, rejection, despair and grief and loneliness. Station 4 the coparental divorce involves the responsibilities the parents have to the children that include, custody, visitation, and financial and legal aspects of it. (Scott, 2010) Engaging in custody battle adds an abundant amount of stress to all parties, especially the children. Ensuring that the children dont get caught in between battle is important. Parents should make sure they dont have the children chose sides and always remember it should be in the best interest of the child. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012)The community divorce, station five, involves the changes of the social relationships which includes relatives and friends that are associated with a former spouse. This can act as a handout to either family member. Having to detach from relatives, such as in-laws, mutual friends, family members of the former spouse, puts a toll on everyone because people are left to feel like they have to choose sides. Children face the challenges of losing friends and the luxury of having the sense of family. (Scott, 2010) In my personal situation, mutual friends were forced to take sides because my former spouse couldnt handle the thought of manduction anything that had to do with me. Former family members feel like they cant invite to family parties out of respect to my ex, but it affects my son because, he misses his fathers family. Situations like these are best handled by presenting as a united front. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012)The psychic divorce, sixth station, has no time frame and involves defining yourself as single person rather than a couple. During this process, people mourn their failed marriage, use the time to discover their self, distance themselves from the divorce and contract the breakup. The station of difficulty and time varies from individual to individual. (Scott, 2010) Children absorb so much through divorce and being a strong parent, who reassures them that they are not at fault or cause for the divorce helps ease the grief caused by the divorce. Helping children express emotions and committing to listen to the children without getting defensive reassures the unconditional love that you have for them. Adjusting to new circumstances is difficult for children, they can look at divorce as a dismissal and by supporting their feelings helps create that trust that may have been lost with the divorce. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012)Divorce on children has a short term and long term effect. The short term experiences that are most commonly shared out among children whose parents divorced are rejection, anger, denial, sadness, despair, and grief. Children tend to feel guilty and blame themselves for the divorce and fantasize about parents reuniting. The stresses of this may cause health problems, both physical and psychological. Health problems may be caused by the lack of health insurance following the divorce, which creates a health problematic for children. The stress of the divorce may lead to falloff and leave the children feeling incompetent. This depends on the guidance of the parents and the adjustment process of the child. Long term effects may not be as clear and consistent.Long term effects are long-lasting and intervene with the process of social-emotional develop intellectual. (Scott, 2010) Chi ldren of divorced families are four more times likely to have problems with their peers. It is also say that boys who come from divorced parents tend to be more aggressive toward their peers than those who dont come from a broken home. (Billota, 2012) The adult children of divorced parents show much more anxiety and have a higher rate of having failing interpersonal relationships. The more common long term effect of children of divorced parents is low self-esteem, depression and school and behavior problems. These are the negative effects and challenges children face. (Scott, 2010)Support for marriage and families can be found online, within the community and schools. Some schools provide affordable counseling services. Parents who decide to divorce are back up to learn about the effects children face during divorce. It may help reduce risks children might face during and after the process. There is a high risk for fathers to be less involved with their children after divorce, so it is emboldend that families promote activities that involve parents and children so that it help them stay connected (Scott, 2010)Important guidelines to help children have sex are, telling the truth, saying I love you, addressing the changes, avoid blaming anyone, listening and acknowledging feelings, having patience, providing reassurance, and providing a structured routine. When in doubt, it is encouraged to seek professional help. (Block, Kemp, & Smith, 2012) By providing all the above, helps give the children a sense a security and by chance the hope that everything is for the better. It would be nice if children from divorced families could break the vicious cycle of divorce. I can say that for two yours I put a lot effort into making my marriage work.I encourage everyone to take premarital counseling and post-marital counseling. I believe to have a strong successful marriage there needs to be a solid foundation of communication, trust and respect. Love is an emotion and in most cases conditional, the only unconditional love that I ever known is for my son. I cant say that for everyone. If I would have known that I was going to cause so much emotional pain getting a divorce, never in a million years would have given up up after two years. The death of a parent is less devastating to a child than a divorce. (Billota, 2012)Works CitedBillota, L. (2012, March 23). 18 Shocking Statistics About Children and Divorce. Retrieved from Marriage Success Secrets website http//www.marriage-success-secrets.com/statistics-about-children-and-divorce.html Block, J., Kemp, G., & Smith, M. (2012, March 21). Children and Divorce. Retrieved from Helpguide.org http//www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm Scott, M. A. (2010). Marriages and Families. Upper Saddle River, NJ Pearson Education, Inc.